I guess it’s time to write today's blog post now. Again I am really late. I’m just starting and it’s almost the time I have as a guideline for posting. I was just going to finish watching an episode of NCIS Los Angeles when the Universe apparently thought it was time to do something different. The video was freezing, the sound was fine, but the image froze. One would think that would be okay considering the fact that I was watching nail art videos on Instagram, but that’s not how it works. I still have some part of my eyes on the show since I notice the picture’s not changing anymore. And for some reason there doesn’t seem to be any way to fix it. If it suddenöy works perfectly after I’ve written my thousand words for today, and published my blog post for the day then I am really spooked.
I do, kind of believe in some kind of higher power. Call it Universe, God or what you want, I have had too many coincidences to stop believing in coincidence. The first time way way back and I was really super tired, wanting to go straight home after Uni, eat and die in front of the TV. But there were also something I really wanted to check out in a store in the center of town. It’s really difficult to find parking space there unless you go to one of the parking garages, but I didn’t want to do that. Didn’t want to spend the time driving that extra block to search one of them for a vacant spot and then walk back to the stores. Driving straight to the parking lot closest to the store I wanted to visit I thought to myself: If there’s a free space than I’m supposed to get this thing, if not then I’m supposed to go home. And… there it was, a car just left one of the parking spaces and I was first in line. I went to the store, got whatever it was and felt super happy I got it. It’s happened many other times after that, for example Twitter has had great timing giving me the perfect quote for me just when I really needed it. Instagram does the same. You can definitely argue coincidence or that it’s not that strange considering most issues I share with many other people and I follow who I follow for a reason. Except I basically just follow back which means I don’t really choose. Anyway, we always have a choice in what we do and what we believe in, so if you don’t agree that’s fine. I’m not always sure that I do agree myself.
Been a bad girl today though and honestly… This blog is turning into a diary. Or maybe I should say it’s a journal since one of the agents in NCIS Los Angeles explained in one episode that diaries are for seven year old girls. But still. It wasn’t exactly where I intended to go with it. Whatever you would call it. I decided a while back that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, even though the days are getting longer and sunnier, I’m still not over the darkness problems. It’ll be a while longer. End of January if it’s very sunny or in February is when I normally begin to feel the dark lifting in my person. If I’ve been very low it can take a lot longer though. Last year it wasn’t until late March I was beginning to feel better. Last winter was awful though, so much rain. Still, maybe we just have to accept the journal shape of things a little while longer. Not really sure how it’s supposed to look though. I'm still trying to figure that out. Between the NCIS episodes and nail videos.
How have I been bad then? Well, no sleep is always a good guess. I was up all night and all morning, which technically means I was up all night even in EST standards. It was well past noon before I finally passed out. Sun was shining and it was actually not cold in my room anymore. Think I managed to close the window a little bit better though still not completely. Funny thing though and maybe something to think about when using NCIS Los Angeles as the show to fall asleep to: there’s a lot of explosions. The few hours of very unrestful sleep I got was filled with car bombs exploding all over the place. I don’t know about the deaths from that because I kept waking up. Which is kind of funny since I don’t wake up from the actual explosions in the show, but if you watch it for twelve hours without any break than you kind of know what it’s about. Maybe the inability to fall asleep is my brain trying to tell me it’s not a good idea because it’s so filled with exploding cars that that’s all it has to process should I actually fall asleep. This non sleeping mode I am settled in is getting ridiculous though and I decided before I fell asleep earlier this afternoon that whether I sleep tonight or not I will still go to the pharmacy tomorrow and get more sleeping pills. Even if I have been up all night. Maybe I’ll sleep though since today’s sleep was very unsatisfactory.
The no sleep tradition, though, has also resulted in the sad fact that I didn’t cook any food today after all. Not as planned anyway. I had leftovers from yesterday so I am not starving at all this weekend. Trying to be positive I guess that’s a good thing. I should be proud of myself for eating, if not exactly good, at least better than before. Trying to get better is what I should be proud of, not the weird punishing of myself I’ve been doing for so long.
Hope you’ve had a great weekend, hope the week will be wonderful. Eat, sleep and be proud!!! And maybe I’ll see you again tomorrow...
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