Finally Friday. What are your plans for the weekend? Going out in the beautiful October sun watching nature’s change to the new season? Going out to dinner or clubbing? Got a lot of things to do that you don’t have time for during your busy week? I will do the same thing I always do. Try to sleep at night, go out during daylight, take pictures, post some on Instagram, write my thousand words and publish in my blog, talk to some friends for a while and then start over again. All my days are pretty much the same. Only excitement was going to take some blood tests today and on Tuesday I get to see my doctor. The fascinating life of the sick and disabled, huh? Not complaining. I am getting better and I can finally feel it myself. My body is healing, my soul is healing, my mind… the jury’s still out on that one.
Whatever you do I hope you will give yourself time to stop and look around. So many years I’ve been running around doing what has to be done and then suddenly I realize I’ve missed the beautiful colors of the leaves, the trees, the bushes, the grass. Maybe it’s different where you live, maybe nature doesn’t go through the same changes as it does here, or maybe this isn’t when it happens where you live. Still. Take a moment to just look around you. Nature is beautiful whether it’s in the wilderness, a park or a garden.
After visiting the lab today I went back to the cemetery. It was still rather early in the morning. I have to go in for the tests as soon as they open the lab because I am not allowed to eat until it’s done. I can’t eat or drink after eight pm the night before so they can get the accurate blood sugar levels. The light is so different in the morning. Not only is it coming from a different direction, it’s softer, paler. It’s also a lot colder in the morning. I didn’t stay very long and as I was leaving, driving out from the parking lot an old man came carrying a single red rose in his hand. Our eyes met, we exchanged smiles and a gentle nod. Just two people visiting an early Friday morning.
I can’t really say if it’s the fact that I manage to go out every day, that I am getting some really nice pictures, that I am getting a simple form of exercise, fresh air, these random moments with strangers or the way I just sit down, look around, enjoy whatever I see. I am there, in the moment, taking my time, relaxing. There’s no rush, nowhere else I need to be in a hurry, nothing else I have to do. I can just be, there, then, in the moment. For a long time I was talking to myself, thinking, arguing, crying, trying to figure out what had happened, why it happened and what I was supposed to do. It still happens.
Last night I went out. I couldn’t sleep. I was upset. I was hurting. I had to go out. I was running away again. Talking to myself, crying, walking around in the dark. Taking pictures. Calming down. Thinking. When I came home the worst pain was gone. I could settle down and eventually get a few hours of sleep before I had to go to the lab this morning. That’s not how it is when I go out during the day anymore.
My daytime outings, the ones I do every day at approximately the same time every day. They are different. That’s not running away anymore. That’s going out, walking, breathing, being. That’s when I am healing. I am letting the air and the sun, the beauty of nature heal my soul. I am walking around which helps me to heal physically. Everything rolled into one is healing my soul. And I am beginning to feel the difference. It started with taking up the challenge of writing one thousand words every day, using the written format as a way of sorting out my confused mind. Adding the challenge of publishing a somewhat readable blog every day both meant extra pressure to not give up and the added level of trying to make some form of sense. Concentrating, focusing, giving the brain some exercise. Every day. Except for the month I didn’t have any Internet, but I came back. I am doing it again. Keeping these challenges going, keeping the routine of writing everyday… I believe that helps me keep these other challenges as well. It’s only the sleeping that is a little bit tricky still, but that is a very hard one to fix. If you never have had problems sleeping… then you’re just going to have to trust me.
There is one problem though, or two really. I am beginning to feel as if I have a cold waiting in my near future. My head feel filled with cotton and aches in that special way it only does when I have a cold. I am easily annoyed, which also can be the result of three nights in a row of sleeping bad. Although I have slept today after I came home from my walk. When the easily annoyed, soon to be, victim of a cold meets Google Docs problems to connect and loses everything she’s written today up to that last paragraph then it’s no fun being a friend of mine anymore. Easily annoyed, gets annoyed at Google can lash out at unsuspecting friends for no apparent reason. For that easily annoyed, soon to be, cold victim apologizes.
It’s not just that Google Docs almost deleted everything I had written, just over eight hundred words, because in the end I did get them back. But the time I had to fiddle around trying to convince it to work so I could continue my writing, I forgot what I was going to write. And I was feeling so good before…. Ah, well…
Thanks for your patience. Take some time to enjoy the season. Sleep well. When it’s your turn.
Good night!!!
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