Procrastination… Today has just been one of those days when everything is lagging. Not only Twitter, my entire day has been lagging. Do you ever feel like that? As if things just aren’t happening the way they should? As if it is extra difficult to get going and the excuses are both too good and too many? Maybe it’s the season. This is the season to be S.A.D.
For some reason I had a hard time sleeping last night. Didn’t fall asleep until late, woke up after a couple of hours and couldn’t go back to sleep again. Not until at least one hour had passed and then I didn’t sleep as late as I have been this week. I take sleeping pills just to be able to sleep in the first place, lately it’s been more than doctor has recommended, but last night they totally failed me.
When I eventually wake up in the early hours of the afternoon I usually get up and go out fairly quickly. Today I was just feeling tired. I figured that since I still have my bedroom window wide open and it was a cool, windy day today I was getting enough fresh air. I had too many pictures on my phone so I didn’t really go out to take new ones. I needed to delete some because I had ran out of space and I haven’t been keeping up with my phone cleaning lately. I have way too many pictures on there to really know what to do with them all, but I am very bad at deleting stuff. I did that by accident once, deleted all the kitten pictures of one of my cats. That was a real tragedy to be honest, but I survived that too.
In the end I still decided to go out though. It is fun to explore the nature where I live. Most places I have been to before but I feel as if I am looking at them with new eyes, and I am getting some really nice pictures for my Instagram as well. The only problem is that I don’t really have money to spend on all the gas I am “wasting” while driving around. Since this is the first month I’ve actually have had any kind of money since spring I don’t really know how much I can waste. If I keep driving around and buying sandwiches at gas stations it’s going to be problematic towards the end of the month that’s for sure.
I came back home earlier than I have the past few days, almost an hour earlier than before. What I do when I get back inside is I check if anyone has been trying to reach me which is a no most of the time, no one has. Then I go through my pictures and post some of them on Instagram before moving on to liking all the pictures that have been posted since I checked last. One of my newest acquaintances, she follow me/I follow her, posts quite a lot of pictures of her rescued animals. We have been talking a little bit because we are both going through a rough patch in our lives and today I realized that she and I may have even more in common that that. Blessed be.
After I’ve finished dealing with Instagram and quickly checking the other social medias again I move on to writing my blog, but that was not going to happen that easy today. I started down a path of thoughts just to realize I didn’t really have that much to say about it or I maybe I just wasn’t all that interested in that just then. I was also still feeling very tired. Convincing myself that I could take a short nap and then things would work out just fine made me start writing two hours later than usual even though I came in an hour earlier. Three hours when I did nothing.
I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I didn’t want to be sad and get SAD. Well, that I’m sad is no news if you’ve been following my writings to heal. SAD may be unfamiliar territory though. It’s short for Seasonal Affective Disorder and it’s one of those diagnoses that is slightly controversial. Not all doctors believe in it. That doesn’t change the fact that a lot of people experience SAD though. It’s a diffuse disorder with vague symptoms and I can only describe how it affects me. If you know about the YouTuber PauseUnpause you may have heard of it before because he has talked about it from his perspective in some of his videos. It’s something that occur during the winter when it in the northern parts of the world becomes very dark. When daylight is scarce some people end up feeling bad, or sad or get SAD.
For me it usually shows up in October. It depends a little bit on the weather. A lot of sunshine helps, a lot of rain gets anyone's moods down so that’s no surprise. It’s just that eventually I’ll start feeling low even if it’s been a wonderful and sunny season. I often say that we from the north are related to the bears, we want to hibernate, at least I do. Want to though, it’s more like I need to. I get so tired and no matter how much I sleep I am tired, I don’t want to meet people, it becomes difficult to concentrate. A lot of depression symptoms, but I don’t want to call it autumn or winter depression. Depression is just a part of it. Most significant for me is the way I can just freeze in a moment no matter what I am doing or where I am going. I have been sitting in my car for hours just looking out of the windscreen, in a parking lot though, not in traffic. Just not being able to do anything, not thinking, not looking at anything, just frozen in a moment.
Some people benefit from light therapy, sitting in a white room with white light, unfortunately that doesn’t work for me. That’s one of the reasons why it is so important for me to get into the habit of going out while it’s daylight. Otherwise I’d end up both sad and SAD.
I may return to this subject later as it gets darker, but for now….
Thanks for dropping in. Hope you have nice weather so you can go out and enjoy the daylight and the pretty colors. Take care!!!
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