This really feels weird and I don’t know how this is going to work, if it’s going to work. I need my routines and nothing proves that as much as that situation when you just can’t do it. Someone needs you to take care of them. My roommate is in hospital and he’s really not doing well at all and here I am complaining about not being able to follow my routines like I don’t care at all. It’s just that… when they took him off to the hospital ward where is has to stay for an unknown number of days I was sent home alone. And I have no one to talk to. It was terrifying and I am still really worried and I am all alone. He made me promise not to tell his dad or his sisters and that’s basically the only people I possibly could have turned to. Not that they really would have cared about how I was feeling anyway. See, I’m so selfish.
It was really terrifying. I had to sit with him all night because he wouldn’t go to the hospital. My phone’s are still not working and he’d ran out of money on his so I couldn’t call anyone. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there holding his hand trying to make him sleep for a while and I think he dozed off now and then, but he’d wake up in a second and it would start over again. Maybe I should have called an ambulance anyway, but he really didn’t want to go. Not to his dad or anywhere. He refused to go out of the house. So I just sat there. Feeling useless. It was really bad. He was so warm, shaking like I’ve never seen anyone shake and the pulse was so fast.
I have had some experience, I have been looking after people who were dying in a hospital or old people’s home, nursing home. Sometimes, especially at night when there’s fewer people working, they want someone to sit with patients who are really ill, so that they’re never left alone. I mean I have been in similar situations, but it has never been so terrible, so terrifying. Partly maybe because there were always other people nearby. Partly because they were often older people who had been ill for a long time. And partly because this was someone I know so well. It happened so fast. I had talked to him a while before on that evening and everything seemed fine. He didn’t say anything about not feeling well or anything. And then when it’s about time to go to bed he’s suddenly not fine at all anymore.
In the morning I thought he’d gone to sleep and maybe I could try to figure something out, but he was still in really bad shape. Eventually I managed to get him to the medical center. You’re supposed to call and book and stuff but forget that with no phone. Besides most people there know us anyway, they most definitely know me. We just went there. That was okay but we’d have to be prepared to wait. First we got to see a nurse, I had to help explain what had happened because he could barely understand questions or answer them. Anyway she quickly realized he needed to see a doctor, but we’d have to wait. So we waited for the doctor and after finally meeting with him he said we had to go to the hospital, but we’d have to wait for him to write a, I don’t know what you call it, but a referral to the hospital people. That took a really long time.
It’s after noon before everything is ready for us to go into town. Looking deep inside my taxi driving skills I found myself capable of driving into town despite that I had been awake for more than twenty eight hours. Sometimes you just have to ignore the fact that you’re just too tired. Forget taxi, we have no money. I know how much that would cost, trust me. But we made it okay, found a parking space, trying not to cry at the cost for parking there. We got past the reception fast enough, but we would have to wait for the doctor and it could take a very long time. I was really beginning to feel sick to. Luckily someone noticed us in the waiting room and asked if we preferred to wait in one of the rooms. After some waiting a nurse came in to take some tests and shortly after the doctor came. Medical center: female nurse, male doctor. Hospital: male nurse, female doctor. Why that even is important? She was really thorough with a lot of questions, but then she had to go and talk to some other doctor, but we could just wait there. When she finally came back there were more tests and eventually she said he would have to stay at the hospital and they would give him medicine, but he’d have to stay there for an unknown number of days. Depending on how the medicine worked. She just had to report to the doctor on the ward and write some patient journal stuff. I don’t know but we could just wait in that room and someone would come and take him to the ward.
All this time they didn’t do anything but tests and sent us to a new place. Needless to say my roommate wasn’t exactly doing better. All that waiting and maybe I finally felt I could relax some I almost fell asleep in my chair while wondering how I’d ever get home. And if I’d ever get to eat again. My roommate hadn’t eaten anything either since I don’t know the day before, but it wasn’t much point asking if he was hungry. Nothing I could do anyway. I had been up well over thirty hours straight when I finally could go home. Extremely tired, but still very shaken by everything it took a while before I fell asleep just to wake after a few hours finding a spider crawling on me. That ended all ideas of sleep, everything felt as if it was a spider. I was so tired and worried and affected by everything. That spider was the final straw. I spent most of the night crying. I am really not feeling too well now either but it helps a little to have told everything to someone. He’s not going to die, he’s going to get well again. It’s just, it was really bad, really, really bad.
Sorry for unloading this on you, but I blog to heal, remember? And I do need it.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!
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