I had seen it, the thermometer showing that it was below freezing at night. I had felt it, I still have the window open in my bedroom. It has been really cold some nights. Today I saw the results of the cold nights, and I felt it. It was a slippery walk to the garage this morning and the ground was covered in frost glittering in the early morning October sun. I had to get up early for my doctor’s appointment. He was basically pleased with most results from my tests, but… Going to have to do it all over again in a month. He’s so fuzzy about me taking my medication. Sometimes it’s just not possible. I can’t take my diabetes medication as it’s prescribed when I’m not eating more than once a day. He’s fuzzy about that too and he didn’t quite understand that if you don’t have money to buy food you can't really eat it either. It’s not my choice, it’s the way things are right now. Don’t worry, my situation is healing even on the financial arena. It was really bad just before I had to take that break, to get worse during my break. My break being caused mainly of a complete lack of Internet. No money, no Internet. Sometimes even a so called Welfare State can fail. But it’s getting better, it’s healing.
After visiting the doctor I completely ignored being deadly tired after only three hours of sleep. I had to go out and check what kind of pictures I could take. And it was awesome. The frost, thawing, the drops, the early morning sun, the morning light is different from the light in the afternoon. Sunlight on the sides of things that I, more or less, only have seen in shadow before. I got some really nice pictures and a lovely video of the sounds from the water against the rocks, proving to people that it is a favorite place worthy of the title. I have often sought the company of the ocean when I have been feeling sad or upset. Just looking at never ending water, lit by sunlight or moonlight, it’s soothing. The sound of the waves, whether it’s nice and gentle like today or wild on a windy day, or night, it’s comforting. And you know that you can get amazing photographs around water, right?
The ocean can heal a troubled mind, but not a bad back. It has been troubling me more and more again. It’s been difficult to walk and it hurts more. I still go out, I still walk around, I still want my pictures, but the strength I felt a while ago is not there, right now. I almost said anymore, but I must believe that it is a temporary setback, that it will be better again. I just have to take it a little bit slower, easier, rest more, not walk to long distances. Or do too many weird “exercises” to get that perfect photo. Just standing straight doesn’t always give you the best result. You need to get down on the ground, climb on rocks or try to navigate through vegetation where you have no idea what’s happening under your feet. Who knew photography could be such a dangerous hobby? At least if the things you try to photograph are out there in the nature. It’s slightly safer in front of the bathroom mirror. I think. I have never tried that and I probably never will. I’m not a selfie person, or a people picture person. I know, I’ve already said that. I leave that stuff to other people.
Maybe my back is trying to tell me it’s time to get in that gym. Gym? Fancy name for that old fashioned place at the medical center where I go for my physio therapy. On the other hand I go there to work out not to get massages and such. I could Google the definition of gym, but I’m not all that interested. The plan, right now is to maybe go back in November. Both my physiotherapist and doctor agreed with me that it is much more important for me to work on going outdoors, taking walks, breathing fresh air and daylight. When I have that routine set I can start thinking about adding the gym stuff. And November will most likely just be darkness and rain as usual so walks may be a little bit unpleasant. I will still try to keep doing it though. Rainy November pictures. Or if we are lucky it will be just below freezing, a thin layer of snow on the ground and tree branches and frost on the twigs of the bare leafy trees. Birches are really beautiful when they are all covered in frost. I am pretty much alone of wanting cold and snow in November though. Winter becomes so long and as true as that may be though. How fun is November? Honestly. Darkness, cold rain. Snow makes the world brighter. White Christmas. Let me dream:
Dreaming. You need to sleep to dream. Doctor "okayed" my doubled dose of sleeping pills, so I guess I should make it a habit to take them. He thought so anyway. Seeing how beautiful it was outside in the morning I would like to wake up earlier, right about that time when I finally might fall asleep. I am not feeling too confident that I will be able to pull that off though. I have no idea how to beat my stubborn brain. How to make it understand that we should really be sleeping now. Even when I take the pills it’s difficult. My brain just doesn’t want to sleep no matter how tired I am, not even on pills. Sleeping at night is one of the challenges I have given myself and the one that is really difficult to do.I’ve tried every trick there is and it just doesn’t work.
Maybe I should try to change my attitude - of course, I can sleep at night and wake up early to photograph the October dawn with all the frost and fog.
Hope you sleep well, when the night time comes your way. Hope you will have beautiful dreams. Thank you. "G’nite!!!"
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