So. Sleeping isn’t really working out for me. It was one of my new “challenges” and I am failing miserably. I think it’s my fifth night that I’ve not been sleeping. Or at least not been sleeping much. I was awake all last night. And of course, towards the end of it I was really upset and sad and crying. Again. Over something I’m not even sure if it ever happened, or at least not if any of it was anything but lies. See? That’s what I mean. That’s what happens when I don’t get enough sleep. I start to overthink things. Over analyze things. And in the end it’s all a lie.
Today, I woke up at noon. I did sleep a couple of hours. Waking up at noon is okay though. I mean, well, of course it’s really terribly late to wake up at noon, to not get up until two in the afternoon, but a week ago I slept until two in the afternoon. Two hours earlier. I take that. Now, if I only could find a way to actually fall asleep two hours earlier… or more. More would be preferable, but let’s not over do it. Some say that sleep problems are easily solved you just have to get up early and stay up all day without any naps and then you’ll get tired and sleep in the evening. Yep. I’m sure that works for most people. It’s just that… I’m not most people. If I get too tired I will definitely not sleep. Adrenalin kicks in and that’s just no fun at all. The overactive brain on adrenalin is no joke. Have you ever had to do with little children? Watch them when they have been up too long! They become hyperactive and it’s practically impossible to get them to slow down so they can sleep. That’s me. Except on a larger scale. Sort of.
Still. I woke up at noon. My head is seriously objecting to this by aching a fair bit. I guess the impending cold helps convincing it that it’s the right thing to do right now and I have no pills to make it change it’s mind. Unfortunately all out of painkillers and my roommate forgot to get more when he was out shopping for chili nuts last night. Don’t get me wrong, chili nuts are great and all, but they don’t relieve you of headaches.
I woke up though. Some say that’s reason enough to be happy. I don’t know. I am still awake three hours later, still debating whether I should go out to look for pictures or take a day off. There is only one answer though and the sad truth is, headache or not, I have to get up, get dressed and go out. If only to keep the habit and nothing else I must at least go through the motions, right. I know. Someone was already kind enough to inform me of my over usage of cliches. But that’s kind of who I am. A walking, at least sometimes and for shorter distances, cliche.
Maybe I’m doing it wrong though. My physiotherapist was thrilled when I told her about my daily walks in the October sun, or at least in daylight, but since fresh air is supposed to be good for sleeping, helping you sleep. Maybe I should go out at night. Before bedtime. If I had a dog that would be no problem. I would have to go out many times every day and definitely once before bedtime. Dogs need to use their “bathroom” just as us humans use oues before going to bed. I don’t have a dog and I can’t have a dog right now anyway. How can you have a dog when you can only walk a short distance before your back breaks down. Or something else as it right now is that ridiculous cold that’s keeping me exhausted from moving the slightest distance. Maybe I should take a break today and rest?
But if I don’t go out today, it will be easier to not go out tomorrow and then, soon it will be difficult to go out. Again. And yes, I did start, not just the sentence, but the entire paragraph with but. Everybody has them apparently. Maybe not always at the beginning though. Sacred school rule, but no real grammatical rule. Just teachers being tired of little kid’s stories where every sentence begins with and or but. If you don’t believe me… Google it! However, it should be used sparingly. And only when you need to prove a particularly interesting point. I have many of those points. What can I say? I’m a writer, I’m narcissistic. Everything I say is particular and interesting. If you have followed my blog and/or know me at least a little bit you know that’s a joke. If you don’t know me well enough, yet, that was a joke. I am not That narcissistic and I have a hard time believing anything I say or do is interesting to other people. I am doing this exercise, the thousand words a day challenge to heal myself. I publish it in a blog because maybe, and for me that is a huge maybe, it can help someone else. And yea, I do also occasionally begin several sentences in a row with the same word. If you didn’t know, it’s intentional.
I took on a new exercise yesterday. I wrote a thousand word long poem. Yesterday it was just a first test to see if it was possible at all. I got a lol for that effort. Today I tried to have a little bit more content and feeling to it. Not just writing it as a joke. Yesterday I only counted the words and played around, having a laugh. Today’s test has more substance and feeling. You need to have Wattpad to read it though. It was an interesting idea I got from a friend. So, for two days now, I have been writing two thousand words. But…
I write because I need to write, just as much as I need to breathe. To stay alive
Thank you! Have an awesome day!!!
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