Do you ever wake up and really regret the night before? Like the first thought of the day is: “I so wish I hadn’t done that!”? That was me today. It wasn’t That bad, just bad enough. My roommate has been at his dad’s most of the summer. He just moved back like a week ago. It’s been kind of lonesome, but at the same time, I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. For instance, I could have slept more, if it hadn’t been for other reasons keeping me up all night. Now though, when I am trying to get into good habits, he’s back and he kept me up all night talking. Music, movies, TV shows, books. everything from Steven King to Ezra Pound. It was fun, but pretty soon it was six am...
I need to sleep at night. Yesterday was a sad day. I hadn’t really been sleeping enough the night before and I could feel it. Maybe what I needed was someone to talk to and have fun with, but I do also need to sleep, I need to get up and go out while there’s still some daylight left. Not only for my photos, but for me…
Yesterday was a bad day also because I pushed myself way too far. I walked too far. It’s difficult when you’re really used to be able to walk for hours to accept that I can maybe walk for seconds, maybe getting up towards a minute now. I need to rest or my back will hurt. Not the muscle pain that is most backaches, I get nerve pain. There have been moments I’ve almost passed out because of the pain. Going to the store would mean breaking out into a cold sweat because of the pain. What I mean to say is, when it hurts it really hurts like nothing else. It’s getting better, much better. I can go to the store now. I can walk around a bit, but I need to be careful. Yesterday I walked too fat and today my back hurts. It’s difficult to breathe because of the pain right now.
It was really difficult to get up today. I was so tired and it wasn’t only my back that was aching. I did really exhaust myself yesterday. Maybe because that’s one of my ways to deal with stress. Or it used to be. I could ride my bicycle as fast as I could until I was too exhausted and would almost not make it home. Almost throwing up, I felt that yesterday too. I can feel my old self wanting to return. The me who were active, had a job, could do things. I just have to accept I am just not that strong right now.
It was really difficult getting up, but I did. I did go out. I walked around at the cemetery on the other side of the river. It’s beautiful there with the river, the trees, the plants and there are places you can sit down. I think I am probably the one person who spends most time there. Especially considering I don’t know anyone who’s buried there. As far as I know. I did my thing, I walked around, took my pictures, but in a much more reasonable fashion. Watching people come and go. People rushing in to make the graves of their loved ones look nice. We may not celebrate Halloween so much, though some try to with more or less success. We celebrate All Hallows Eve though, by lighting candles in the graveyards. It’s actually very beautiful to walk around a cemetery that night, or that weekend. I think I shall try to get into town, to the big cemetery where my dad is buried. It’s a very beautiful place any day, but with all the candles…
Don’t worry. My visits to the resting place of dead people has nothing to do with any longing from my part to be joining them any time soon. I have left all those thoughts and ideas behind me. I can wait until I get old. Very old. I just like to visit and as I said, it is a beautiful place. Lots of nature for me to photograph. I am really enjoying that right now even though it is getting slightly cole. Pretty soon I am going to wish for those kinds of gloves that only leave your fingertips bare. You need your fingers to take pictures with phones or tablets. They don’t really respond to gloves. Unless you have special fancy stuff which I obviously don’t. I’m not really dressed for the newly arrived cold winds either. I’ll probably be too cold and catch a cold… Too much? Yeah. I’m sorry.
People is probably wondering what kind of weirdo I am.What I am doing. Lying on the ground, leaning on the stone walls, standing under a tree, close to the trunk looking straight up, leaning down to the ground or just sitting there doing nothing. I realize it probably looks weird to the people who come and go, rushing to get things done, get home and make dinner. People who never have or take the time to stop and just see the beauty around them. The magic of a sunny October day with all the new colors around them.
On my way home I chose one of the smaller roads where’s there’s practically no traffic. I was driving slow looking at the surroundings, looking for something I might want to photograph. I was talking to myself. I often do. I saw an old lady out on a walk coming towards me on the opposite side of the road. As we were passing each other our eyes met. I don’t know what I had been saying to myself because I don’t always listen that carefully, but I smiled as I glanced at the old lady. She looked at me and smiled back. Accidentally being nice, but it still counts. A random moment, not intentionally, but for some reason two women meet on a sunny October afternoon and share a smile. That too is pretty magical.
Thank you for staying with me and I hope you’ll find the October magic. Take care. Smile at strangers!!!
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