Sometimes when it’s time to start writing I find that I don’t know what to write about, there’s nothing that I feel really motivated to write about. Sometimes there’s too many things I would like to write about and I don’t really know which way to go. I start writing something, but then I get a better idea so I delete everything and start over. Sometimes it feels as if the thing I want to write about is too small to fill the entire thousand words. Sometimes there’s too much to say and a thousand words isn’t enough. And sometimes I do actually stop to think that maybe I shouldn’t be writing about that. Not nearly as often as I probably should, but sometimes I do.
The people who know how to write and how to blog, and who give us wannabes advice on how to do it say that you should plan what you're going to write. One blogger had a schedule on what to discuss on various days of the week. That’s probably a good idea, but I have no idea how I would be able to work that into the chaos I’ve created with this blog.
Before I went on my involuntary hiatus, when I lost my Internet for almost a month, I had begun to plan a little bit. Not as an active plan to plan, it kind of just happened. My thoughts were so often in the blog that non-planned planning began to happen. I had a much better schedule for this back then. Maybe I took it more seriously, or maybe my life was slightly different back then. Definitely better emotionally wise… After I came back I have really needed the writing to deal with the events that were discovered after the return of my Internet. Discoveries that made me wish I never had gotten it back at all. I had a lot of pain and frustration to deal with and to write about as a healing process. And I think I have continued just dealing with the dealing with what happened back then, over a month ago. I’m still not over it. That’s just how it is. Things are better, but things are not good. I’m still trying to deal with it though.
When I started this blog in August i wrote a lot about writing, about the thousand word a day challenge, about blogging and how I saw that as a challenge in itself. I also talked about my confidence not even realizing how that probably was the biggest challenge of them all. Now I’ve been talking a lot about going outside, taking my walks, taking my pictures. Instagram where it used to be Twitter. My sleep problem has always been an issue, but I can feel the effects of not sleeping enough a lot more now than before. And I want to catch the light for my pictures. I’m still writing and I do mention that challenge. I have talked about how it has affected me in the past. The blogging though…
I did have the intention, for a while at least, to think about and maybe plan my blog while I was out chasing pictures. Have not done that yet. Have had hard enough time to get that routine to work in itself let alone add thinking into the picture… Unintended pun, but what can I say? I used to be a taxi driver. We do have a special kind of humor.
Before my hiatus I used to write in the morning, let it all have a rest during the day. Get some distance and then edit in the evening before publishing it. Now I write and publish as fast as I can. I am even running late with writing so I miss the deadline I have given myself. It used to be midnight, my time, which is CET or GMT+1, but I have changed it to 9.30 pm and that just came and went, while I was doing something other that writing. Or… I was writing, just not what I should be writing. Slightly procrastinating again…
I find it easier to edit when I wait for awhile. It’s like seeing the text with new eyes, easier to notice the little things you can so easily miss when you’re writing it. You have the thought still in your head, you know what you mean and what it’s supposed to say. There’s a danger of reading stuff into the test that isn’t really there or in believing that something makes any sense when it really doesn’t. Tried to find the translation for what we call it in Swedish, but I’m not sure if it means the same to you: “blind to flaws at home”. Sometimes the translation helpers don’t give enough information.
Things were easier in the beginning of August. I only had the writing to worry about. I had someone who cared about me, who helped me keep my routines of not sleeping at night. I did sleep EST hours except for my writing, and I slept when he was at work. It was easier then. Just worrying about and trying to organize my writing. With the extra additions I have less time to work with, but on the other hand I have more time because no one is there to spend it with. I have to fill all the hours myself. But I’m also a lot more lonely and sad. Sleeping is difficult not because someone is occupying my time, but because I have too much time to think and then the circle of no sleep helps making it worse. The tired minds finds the things that makes me sad, the sad me cries and then I can’t sleep.
The tired mind can’t be bothered with planning what to blog. The tired mind can come with me outside and take the beautiful pictures, or at least try. The tired mind still don’t want to think about the blog. The tired mind focuses on things that makes it more sad. More crying. And then the mind gets more tired than it was. I should maybe go to sleep now.
Good night. Thank you!!!
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