Do you also have those moments when you’re just about to do something. have it all planned and then a friends shows up and you forget half of your plans? Of course we always prioritize the friend, right? Except if we have a very important appointment. But when you’re just about to go out and run some errands or whatever you do. You spend time with your friend well aware that your plans can wait. No hurry. Eventually you get to go and when you come home again you realize that you forgot one of the things you had made very clear to yourself that you were going to do while you were out. Maybe it wasn’t the reason for going out, maybe not even top two or three reasons, but it was still something you really wanted to do.
Today I had decided that I would at least begin to plan my blog while I was out and about, but now that I am home again, about to write my daily thousand I remember what I completely forgot. The reason? A friend. He has just had his final day at university, at least as a student. I don’t really know what he’s planning on doing after this. But today was the last day, the finale of many years hard studies and he was so happy about it he couldn’t sleep. He was also still a little bit drunk from the celebrations. It was really nice to be able to share some of his happiness today. We had a very nice talk so I am definitely glad he caught me before I left home. I still don’t have Internet on my phone or tablet. Note to self: “Please fix soon!!!”
It’s an online friend of course. Do I have any other? Well a few, but I rarely meet them offline either at the moment. How things turn out, right? I was just getting ready to go out. I had the plan to plan my blog in the front of my memory log so I wouldn’t forget and then I got the notification I had a message. Change of plans. Don’t misunderstand! I was glad to change my plans for a conversation with him. Not stressed, not eagerly waiting for it to be over, not checking out through the window as daylight were slowly fading. Seriously I wasn’t. I knew he wouldn’t talk for long. He had to sleep. He’s nine hours ahead of me. Right now sleeping in the early morning of Friday the thirtieth while I am writing the blog post for Thursday twenty ninth. Time zones can really drive you crazy if you let them. I am used to US time zones now, but Australia brings on a new level of crazy. Not to mention the fact that it’s spring down there. Really nice people though. Mhmm…
When I finally left the sun was about to go down behind the tree tops and the clouds were beginning to cover the sky. I wish I had money to buy a real camera that would work better in these conditions. And do macro better. Maybe better zoom. More pixels. Definitely more pixels. But I need to pay my bills first. And I don’t know enough about cameras to know what it is I want. Can’t always trust the salespeople. At least you need to know what you want, right?
Anyway. I went to a place I have visited a few times before where I thought there still might be enough light. But when I got there… Never mind the light. The ground was still full of frost even in the afternoon of a sunny day. There was a thin layer of ice on the water. It’s really getting cold now. There were amazing crystals in the grass, but unfortunately I couldn’t take any good pictures of them. Macro needs you to be holding the camera absolutely still. That’s difficult when you’re standing bent over like an idiot in the middle of a field. You don’t even need the cars driving by on the road behind you to realize that’s what you look like. You can feel it in your body. Stop doing this, you idiot, it’s yelling, but your brain wants to try to get that picture anyway. So now my back is really hurt because I wasn’t listening. Joking aside, it does hurt quite bad right now. I need something to sit on and I could use a tripod too actually. Money though, the thing you use to get the things you need are sadly not reaching the necessary levels for me to get any of those things. Maybe I could find something to sit on though. Like a foldable chair that’s not too heavy.
I had intended to think about the blog while I was out. Trying to figure out if I could make some kind of schedule. Figuring out what I am going to do, where I am going to go from here. There’s a new month soon. It’s time to be serious about what I am doing here, again. Or was I ever? I think I had a much better grip on the blogging part than I do now. Now I just write and press publish. More or less. I’m just doing what I’ve always done. Letting it flow, but sometimes maybe there needs to be a little bit of control. And either way doing what I’ve always been doing isn’t exactly trying to improve, is it?
A perfectionist who never thinks anything she does is ever good enough should at least try to improve, wouldn’t you think? Just complaining about it isn’t going to make anything better. I think I’ve proved that I don’t give up that easily, but I have become stuck on this level. It’s like some kind of blogging comfort zone where I defend everything with: “I’m doing this to heal myself”. I guess I could leave it at that and not care about anything else, but that isn’t really me. I want perfection, I want improvement, I want to learn, I need to get better than I was before. Yes, I compete against myself, not anyone else. Improvement is measured internally, right. When you become better than you were. That’s what’s important.
Congrats to my friend who has finished improving his study results and who’s now set free in society to do whatever he wants, at least for awhile. Good job!!!
Thank you for reading and don’t forget to smile!!!!
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